Happy New Year

2015! Welcome!
Last year was a good one, I do not have anything negative to point out. I made friends with really nice colleagues, I travelled more than expected, I had some good and relaxing times, I enjoyed myself. Since a few years back I have been working on improving myself and my life. I feel that I have been slowly but surely making progress and each year it gets better. I am happy with my life, I love and I feel loved. I am lucky to be pampered and loved so much, actually, I might become spoiled. I am content with what I am and what I have. Of course, temptation is everywhere and no one is immune to two little green bugs called envy and greed, but this is something I am always aware of so that I can kill it from the root!
I have no expectations for this year, I will only keep nice thoughts and they’ll guide me through.

“The sun is shining – the sun is shining. That is the Magic. The flowers are growing – the roots are stirring. That is the Magic. Being alive is the Magic – being strong is the Magic. The Magic is in me – the Magic is in me. It is in me – it is in me. It’s in everyone of us.”
From The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett.

Merry Christmas!

 

 

 

 

Christmas comes and goes so quickly. Every year at least one person tells me “can you believe its almost Christmas?” my answer is always YES! I wait for Christmas since beginning of November. I put up my tree around the middle of November and start watching holiday films for fun. For me it is becoming less and less a commercial season, what with being away from my family (almost 7 years now) it is easy not to feel the pressure, haha. And this year I’ve decided not to give presents to anyone except my mom and my boyfriend. We planned to spend more on food! Lovely food, drinks and sweets, yummy. Yes, I know, this is the season to give. But isn’t that what makes it a commercial waste? So unless you tell me you gave to charity, cooked food for the poor, or simply enjoyed being merry with your loved ones, I don’t believe you have really been giving this Christmas. You were probably just wrapped up in the buying spree. There is nothing wrong with buying presents, of course, so long as you do it because you think this thing you are buying will make the other person smile and feel loved. But once you do it because you have to (secret santa!) what is the point? My bf got 2 gifts from secret santa that he ended up giving to me because he does not have a sweet tooth (luckily, I do, otherwise it would go to waste…)

Anyways, I digress, I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas did enjoy it. We are enjoying it very much, just the two of us at home eating a very hot kimchi nabe every 3 hours, haha. I know it isn’t a xmas dish, but it is becoming a tradition for us, we’ve had for the past 3 years since it is my favourite food. We basically make a huge pot of nabe and have it for the 3 days, 24th till 26th, adding more bits and pieces everyday. I seriously enjoy food coma.

Today it was lovely weather and after breakfast we’ve been for a walk, seating on a bench, feeling the sunshine on our faces, just like an old couple, haha. Such small pleasures make me happier than a thousand gifts.   

out of sight, out of mind

 

 

A few photos that never made it to the blog. I haven’t been taking (or asking the bf to take) photos lately and I haven’t been out much recently. It is embarrassing to admit it, but there is a certain someone in our circle of friends which I try to avoid as much as possible. Even if it means I am the one who has to stay home. Better home on a Saturday night than in the company of someone I despise. It annoys me endlessly that I am affected by this person. I simply can’t stand being in the same room together, even if we don’t say a word to each other. I guess that not speaking actually makes matters worse. And the funny thing is, there is no reason for us not to speak at all, I guess it is a case of mutual dislike. I’ve met people whom I disliked before of course, however this one is different, more personal. And I don’t understand how others can stand such a selfish, self centred, untrustworthy person. This one basically goes against all my values, it hurts to watch no matter how much I’ve tried to ignore it. I wish a could be fake, but whatever goes into my head basically surfaces on my face and there’s no way around it. Hopefully one day I will be able to be mature enough and get over it, but for now I will stay away as much as possible. Am I a woman or a mouse, you might ask? I prefer to see things from the “out of sight, out of mind” kind of angle.

Brighton

Hello! This week we have been enjoying a lovely sunny weather here in London, so me and my bf took of to Brighton to get some sunshine. It was my first time in Brighton actually, quite a small place with many vintage shops and cute stuff. The popular stone beach is quite confortable, belive it or not, and we took a 2 hour nap there! I woke up to find part of my thighs, the area between the high socks and the shorts, tanned! So now I have a lovely darker stripe across my thigh, omg, haha, good times :)

Weight...

Hello hello

This week I started a new food regime.

For more than a year now, I haven't been able to put on weight. I lost weight gradually during 2009/2010, going from 55kg to 45kg... I didn't do any diet, I don't have any eating disorder either. At the beginning I think it might have been stress, so no matter what how much I ate, I didn't seem to gain any weight. Then, I had quite a hard time after finding my self jobless for a while, which was more on the depressing side. And then finally at my current job I just work too much, maximum 14 hours a day, usually 11 hours day... During all this time I kept eating normally, I didn't feel any difference until I realised most of my jeans and skirts were way too big for me and it wasn't because the clothes had stretched. I also realized that the amount of food I ate was smaller, maybe my stomach got smaller?? I don't even know if that is possible, haha.

Anyways, I knew I was underweight, but I never gave it too much thought. Basically because I eat just the same amount has my colleagues, so I am eating normal! I didn't see any problem in being skinny as long as I knew I wasn't doing anything to damage my health. But... After getting to 45kg I was really scared, I just kept losing weight without any reason! And recently I started thinking about the Summer and how unattractive it is to have my skinny bones sticking out of my skin... If I talk to people about it, the usual response is the same "eat more!", but I do eat a lot, loads of calorie filled stuff, cuz I never cared about calories. It makes me a bit down that people don't seem to understand that I keep losing weight despite eating the same as them...

So I decided to start my diet to gain weight! I read as much as possible on the web about the matter, cuz I don't like going to doctors at all... So apparently the waist size is more important to determine how vulnerable you are to heart diseases than BMI. I'm 169cm and right now I'm 47kg, so my BMI is 16, which means that I am underweight. The waist size, just under the bone and above the hips, should be smaller than your hips size. But mine is bigger... So all in all, comparing these too results I am more likely to develop weak bones, absent periods (yes, it happened before), iron deficiency, heart disease, diabetes, cancer... Isn't it scary??!

Finally, after more than an year, I decided to seriously start gaining weight! Let's say it's my new year's resolution, hehe. I'm struggling to find healthy ways of doing so, actually. I shouldn't just get myself full of junk food everyday... Potatoes and bread are a good alternative. And I just discovered that apples make you hungry! I can't believe I spent 23 years without knowing that XD
I will start my day with an apple, then have some toast or sandwich for breakfast. As I get full very quickly, I guess it's better to distribute my meals during the day, easting maybe 5 meals per day, even not big quantity. I always take my vitamins in the morning, so I will keep that. Also some exercise is good, of course. Especially running and bicycle, which will make you more hungry and stronger. Forget about aerobics, that's just gonna keep you losing weight.

That's all for now. I'm targeting at least 49kg, 50kg would be good. So I will try this out for one month. If I don't see any improvement, not even gained 1 miserable kg, then I will see the doctors... Cuz there's also the possibility of overactive thyroid gland, but let's not think about it now!^^; I will update results every week (I hope!).

Actually today I really wanted to talk about how I am so into Nozomi Sasaki recently, but somehow I just ended up writing loads about my weight matter, so I will leave it for a next time.

Good night!